Diary of a MadMan.

Is too smart for his own good.

Is curiouser than all the dead cats.

Hes developed a very sharp tongue.

An even sharper witt and devious display of charm.

He’s learned how to psychologically dismantel others, before they even know what’s happening.

He’s learned how to emotionally destroy others.

He’s been trained in the arts of reading people, their energy, their intent.

He’s learned that humans are animals, most are sick, most are bad, most are weak.

He’s cultivated a sense for finding others weaknesses.

He has not yet learned how to wield these powers appropriately.

Like an angry little kid waiving a magic wand around in an emotionally drunk fit of rage he lashes out.

He’s learned how to wield aggression and punishment, pain and suffering.

But he hasn’t yet learned how to measure this or when it’s appropriate to apply it, and to what degree.

He has not yet learned that we are all having our own experience and much of it is hell.

He has not yet learned…

Though he is putting himself through deeper and darker levels of hell and will soon find out.

He’s developed a taste for pleasure and escapism.

It’s not all vile and repugnant, though much of it was.

He’s learned other things too, good things.

Those parts and pieces of him are why he’s become so cunning and so vicious, those parts of him need to be fiercly protected. Other people too need to be shielded from the evil of others, the meanness and even the disregard.

Learning to tell the difference between those who are and those who are not safe…

He discovered there are others, as good as he in their portrayal of persona… fool him once, shame on you, fool him twice and he’ll burn your house down with you in it.

Like Jekyal and Hide. Only, he’s consciously aware of who he’s being and can flip that switch without you ever knowing until he rips your heart out or cuts you off at the legs.

My inner adolecesnt is real mother fucker.

My inner adolescent is making this whole experience harder on himself (and others) than he could ever realize.

He’s learning the hardest lessons the hardest way.

He’s honing a power and a set of skills that will take decades to manage and even longer to understand.

He’s wearing the inside out.